Marko the Rat

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Loggerhead Shrike (Lanius ludovicianus), Don Edwards National Wildlife Refuge, San Francisco Bay, California, 16 November 2009

Mmmvelopes are bacon-flavored envelopes. What more do you need to know?

Wooooo!

Here with Drake till Thursday. In a hotel right next to the strip.

Anyone in LA wanna catch up. PM me :)

Then it's off to MFF for the weekend in Chicago.

I just got an email from "operator@coyoty.net" informing me that Coyoty.net's tech support found a problem with my account and shut it down. That's surprising, because the tech support for Coyoty.net is me. Everyone at Coyoty.net is me (except for Wulfraed, who's my web assistant for Bestiaria.com). I'm going to have some words with myself about this.

Tonight I picked a random Icecast station, LBC 1152 from Britain, and got a talk show where they're discussing making a holiday in honor of Queen Elizabeth's longevity. Moments in, the lady who played Elizabeth in 2012 called in and talked about the movie and her roles as the queen's lookalike. Apparently the British term for cheap action films like 2012 is "rubbish".

And they've just announced that The Equalizer actor Edward Woodward has died at age 79 from various illnesses.

The following is a quote from Frank Herbert's Dune novels — specifically, part of the Bene Gesserit litany against fear.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

The whole part about permitting fear to pass over and through you is probably humbug (although it might make more sense in the Dune universe), but other than that, it's certainly interesting in its cautioning against fear. I've got far too much of that in my own life, even today, and anything that'll help me crack down on it is good.

(FWIW, I got this from the BMEzine encyclopedia entry on suspension, but that entry is probably NSFW, not to mention NSF the squirmy. *s* As for Dune itself, the only novels I ever read were the 4th, 5th and 6th; the 4th deals with Leto II, who always struck me as a very interesting character, while the 5th and 6th were pretty meh, IMO. But then, I was literally less than half my current age when I read them.)

It's writing.

It's not writing.

It's writer's block.

It's writing through or around or over the godsdamned block, because fuck it, if you don't do this now you may never do it.

It's forcing yourself to get up and stretch every so often so that your arse doesn't fall asleep in your computer chair. It's making yourself actually leave the house so that your arse doesn't get so wide from all the Pepsi and Milky Ways that you can't get out of the computer chair at all. It's remembering that the world outside is pretty nice and that the soft feel of the grass under your feet and the smell of the roses will probably fit into your novel somewhere, so this temporary madness of exercise won't be a total drain on your word count.

It's measuring the day out in fifteen or twenty minute blocks: this one is a word war, this one is a snack break, this one is a word war, this one is getting up to get a drink, this one is being distracted by Pandemic II for ten minutes before remembering that you're meant to be having a word war, this one is noticing that the sky has clouded over and that the rain smells so fresh and clean and the sound of it makes you want to go and have a nice quiet nap, but you're only a few hundred words shy of your next goal and there are people on IRC who are cheering you on to hit your main goal for the day and you're not-so-secretly loving the attention, so no nap for you. This one is another word war. And so is this one.

It's measuring the day in quantities of caffeine and sugar consumed, and the number of times you have to refresh the NaNo site to get it to accept your updated word count, and the number of times you look at your word count and realise you're only a few words behind the person you're secretly (or not so secretly) warring with and thus churn out just a few more words so that the next time you beat the NaNo site into updating your word count, your blue bar has inched ahead of theirs ever so slightly.

It's watching the blue slowly take over the grey, knowing that green is on its way, and that after the 25th you will attain purple. It's knowing what all those colours signify, and why the best colour of all (after purple, naturally) is the golden yellow of your halo.

It's hitting your day's goal with a few hours left in the day, enough time to chat a bit more on IRC and then go to bed at a reasonable hour and get some real sleep instead of the fitful naps you've been snatching for the last two days. It's waking up the next morning to the realisation that yes, actually you do have some more words left in you to start again.

It's encouraging your friends and even your rivals to do the very best that they can, to push themselves a little bit further every time they take up their pen or put their fingers back to the keys, because it's more fun if your friends are riding high alongside you, and it's even more fun than that if you're competing against someone who's actually trying. It's being stunned and awed by the sheer energy that everyone puts into writing and cheering and warring.

It's writing more than you ever have before, and not just in the document that's your novel. It's writing forum posts (when they're working), and creating whole chatlogs of bizarre nonsense, and Facebook status updates, and LiveJournal posts. It's writing and not editing, leaving in those adverbs that annoy you so much because in this month it's okay if they breed in the corners of your novel like the plotbunnies that proliferate in your mind.

It's not writing anything of particular consequence to your novel, just a message to your friends to let them know that even though this madness has seized you and swept you off for another November, you're still thinking of them and you still love each and every one of them.

It's writing.

One...Two...Three...

Hyen-aaaaawwwwwww (baby hyena)

Also, a litter of ott-awwws (baby otters)

And there's plenty plenty plenty more on that same site!
Fennec F-awwww-kses
Awwwww-kapis
Cheet-awwww

And a BELUG-AWWWW Whale!
Bel-oo-gah!
(everybody! "Bulbous Bouffant...." GrooveShark YouTube)

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November vfur furmeet, my music video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBJFBUeTr6I

And for those who have been there before, any "must-see" events?

Some random thoughts on BDSM...

First of all, ladyreds_voyage asked about people's thoughts on what constitutes "healthy punishment" in male_subslave earlier today, so here's what I said:

Hmm, good question.

I actually started writing a very long comment, but now I deleted it all again because it really missed the main point: consent. I think in my opinion at least, strange as it may sound, healthy punishment needs to be consensual; in other words, you can do things you know your sub/slave/pet/... doesn't like, but you can't break limits or do things that are less than consensual (of course, consent isn't a black-and-white thing, but you should avoid even the gray area in between when it comes to punishment).

Of course safe (or risk-aware) and sane also apply: don't do things in the heat of the moment that you'll regret later on, and don't do things that are unsafe, without being aware of the risks involved and without everyone (including the punishee!) consenting to those risks.

The psychological aspects should also be considered, of course. It may be very difficult (or even impossible) for a slave to say "no" in a punishment situation, to state their limits, or to use their safeword; nevertheless, I think it's important, so it might be a good idea to stick to things discussed and agreed on beforehand.

Also, how things feel (and how they MAKE you feel) can vary a lot depending on the context in which they're done. A slap in the face might actually arouse me during normal play, but if it were for punishment, it might just as well make me break into tears and cry helplessly.

Healthy punishment, for me, should really be about atoning and about giving me an opportunity to feel less guilty about something I did wrong.

At the same time, it should be about correcting bad behavior and making sure it doesn't occur again; it should not be about the dom taking out his anger on the sub.

I think these are some things to keep in mind when it comes to punishment.

But then, it's a touchy subject, and there's probably no hard and fast answers.

She replied, too, asking me to expand on the "guilt" thing, so I did:

What I meant there was mostly that if I inadvertantly did something that was "bad" or "wrong", then chances are I'd feel guilty about having done it. At least, this has been my experience in the past (I'm not currently in any relationship), and it really goes for everything, both things that are entirely accidental (such as dropping and breaking something while doing the dishes, perhaps) and things of a "I-should've-known-better" nature, such as (say) talking when not allowed to during a scene or similar things.

What all this doesn't address is situations where I'd flaunt a rule deliberately, out of choice, but I think that that's a situation that shouldn't and in fact can't be dealt with by punishment, anyway. Rather, I'd expect my Master (or Mistress) to talk to me about the whole thing, then; I'm an intelligent being, so if I decide to ignore a rule, then there must be a reason for it on some level. Perhaps I couldn't do something safely; perhaps it triggered bad childhood memories or otherwise brought up unpleasant associations I couldn't ignore; perhaps it was just something I couldn't do for other reasons.

But no matter what, in this case, talking about things would be the right thing to do. If I explained (and explored; they might not be clear to me right from the start, either) my reasons, maybe my Master would agree; maybe the rule would be changed. Or maybe it wouldn't, but no matter what, we'd reach some sort of (re)solution.

FWIW, that resolution might still involve punishment, too, of course, but again, it'd be more about making me feel less bad about having broken a rule or disobeyed a command in the first place than about correcting my behavior. That's what talk is for; punishment without talk in a situation like this would only create resentment on my part.

Again, of course, this is just me.

So to sum things up (mostly for myself; as usual, I know hardly anybody will care or read this[1]):

• Punishment in D/s relationships (and we're only talking about actual punishment here, not "punishment" that's roleplayed in some way or happening as part of BDSM "play" and which is understood by everyone involved to not be actual punishment) should always be consentual: it should only include things the submissive partner has agreed to, and limits must be taken into account.

• Consider the psychological effects of punishment, and, referencing the last item, keep in mind that it may be difficult or even impossible for the submissive partner to voice a lack of consent on their part.

• In fact, consider the psychological effects of punishment in general: chances are they're going to be more important and last longer than the physical effects. Be careful not to create traumas, resentment, or similar things.

• Punishment is about atoning and reducing guilt.

• Punishment is not about behaviour correction. Things you didn't do on purpose are really out of your control, anyway, so there is no bad behavior to correct there; things you DID do on purpose, on the other hand, need to be talked about. This is not to say that behavior correction is impossible or shouldn't occur in a D/s relationship, but if it does, it cannot be through the use of the stick. Compare my earlier post about motivation.

• When in doubt, communicate, and keep in mind that you're dealing with an intelligent (and quite possibly, but not necessarily, human) being.

Outside of that, another thought that occurred to me concerns the "checklists" for various BDSM-related activities, fetishes etc. — the kind where you indicate how much you like things and how much experience you have with them (or IF you have experience with them, rather, usually).

I think these could be improved by separating the "how much do you like this" part into two distinct categories, namely what one might call "appeal" and "realism". It's not so much about the difference between fantasies and reality in the classical sense – I think most people who're seriously into BDSM are aware that not everything you fantasize about can actually (safely) be done in real life, and that there's always considerations of physical and mental health that'll have to be, well, considered –, but rather about how you'd feel about something if it really happened: not whether it could be done, but about, if it can be done, how you'd really feel about it.

The most salient example I've come up with yet (while reflecting on punishment, BTW) is public humiliation ("public" meaning "BDSM-public", of course; at a club or so, for instance, not in front of random vanilla people who didn't consent to being part of your scene); someone might enjoy the thought of being humiliated in public a lot, but might well find that in reality, it just doesn't work out and that the psychological effects cause them to simply not enjoy it (or even actively resent it) after all.

Of course, finding that you don't enjoy something you thought you would is common enough, but I also think that the idea can still remain attractive even when you know it doesn't work out so well for you in practice; and similarly, I think that this is something that you can actually think about and find out about beforehand, too (not all the time, perhaps, but some of the time).

In any case, adding an explicit "realism" rating to the items on these checklists would force people to think about these issues, at least, which would likely help already. And if you ARE in a D/s relationship and want your Master/Mistress to have a better idea of what you enjoy, then more information and more details can only be a good thing, too.

1. Yes, actually, I am a bit bitter about that; I don't keep a journal or write entries specifically to get comments or generally feedback or reassurance from others, but it *is* nice when it happens, and it always stings a little when I see others getting (much) more feedback even though (or, rather, because) they write much simpler, shorter entries. Ah well — such is life.

I need to get Weaselgrease to upload the pics and maybe put some of the video on Youtube.

It's actually almost a week after I got back from my trip. WDW is always fun, but this time it dragged a bit. Stress. Couldn't put some of it behind me, you know? Fortunately Weaselgrease was there to remind me the trip was about having fun.

I feel back in control, which is most definitely a good feeling. Still need to evaluate some stuff, but there's time for that now.

We hit each park several times, thanks to the Parkhopper. Weaselgrease spent the first few days mock-agonizing over not being able to find any Timon or Mushu stuff in the park (it really is all Fab 5, Stitch now (who knew), Winnie the Pooh, Tink, and Pirates of the Caribbean).

We figured out later Ebay was still the best haven for the stuff he was looking for. Still, we did get a Mushu figurine (I dunno if it's WDCC or not, frankly). I grabbed a copy of Disney Villains Monopoly.

The Epcot Food and Wine festival was going on. Did not get the braised ribs as I'm not a rib person, but I did sample some cheeses and things. We stopped in again at Nine Dragons, as we're always impressed there. Oh, and for my birthday, we made reservations for Chefs de France. We'd spied Remy in there a few times as we passed by, and I was hoping to have a glimpse of him. Sadly, we ate at the end of the night, nearly 8pm, and we were informed that Remy wasn't available so late. Which was a shame.

Everest was an excellent addition to AK, and we really enjoyed this new Toy Story interactive arcade shooter ride that was in Hollywood Studios (formerly MGM). I noticed recently there's a Toy Story game on the Wii... I'm wondering if it's the same concept. If so, I may pick it up.

Pics should be forthcoming soon.

Well my meds are starting to make my stomach upset when I take it which sucks, nothing like being scared of throwing up what little you eat. Everything should still be ok, no blood or puss thats out of the ordinary. Still trying to get people over to hang out, but now that its a work day/week I doubt that will happen. Oh well my kittys still love cuddling up with me :). I found if I put 3 extra pillows on the couch its like Heaven :).

shadow_5tails pointed out an interesting test, BTW — an online version of the Farnsworth-Munsell hue test (or a test, rather, as there are apparently different versions of it).

I scored 44, myself. Whether this is normal or not, I have no idea, but I'd be curious about hearing what scores others got.

Anyone going to MFF that is passing through Pennsylvania? Coon needs a ride...

Yeah so, apparently, over the weekend, some non name brand store in Jersey City broke the release date on this. Game Stop got wind of it, bitched to their corporate office or something, and so three (and only three) Game Stops in the local area were also allowed to lift the embargo early. One of which, was the one I'd preordered my copy from.

Thus it was, that on Saturday morning I got a call from them saying that I could come pick it up, and you betcha I done did. ^.^

Lol and I got a flurry of messages on xboxlive about it, asking how the hell that was showing up as what I was playing, and omg I gonna get banned for haxorz, etc. But nope, just the above, and totally legit.

So, for all of you out there who have not, unlike me, been playing it since Saturday, I *can* tell you that it is totally awesome, and improves upon the original in just about every way. There's a hell of a lot more to do, many more different and varied missions, the story is excellent, and even the graphics, which were no slouch at all in the first one, are immediately noticably improved.

One thing I would say though, if you haven't yet, definitely finish the first one first. The second one picks up litterally the instant after the first one finishes.. And, it doesn't quite hold your hand so much teaching you everything at the beginning like the first one does, so there'll be a bit of assumed knowledge that you'll need.

Anyway, totally great game, a definite must buy. So, you all have fun doing that... Tomorrow. ;)

It's old news really, but I suppose people may not have seen it yet, so do check this out and find out how much information on your browsing history can be gleaned by any site really (ab)using some CSS features (specifically, the :visited pseudoclass — and the CSS specification actually contains a note that this sort of abuse is possible now, at least).

The solution? Use Firefox 3.5 or later and set layout.css.visited_links_enabled to false in about:config (incidentally, this is why I'm posting about this again now: I recently upgraded to Firefox 3.5, finally, so the setting – which I'd already added months ago when I first learned about this – finally took effect).

Unfortunately, this also means that you yourself will not be able to tell which links you did or didn't visit anymore. A better solution would probably have been to simply cause the browser to lie when a (e.g. Javascript) query would reveal a difference between a visited and an unvisited link, and to also ignore any CSS attributes referencing external content in :visited rules; but then, the Mozilla folks may be many things, but one thing they're generally not is stupid, so if they didn't do this, chances are there's a reason for it.

Anyhow — if you're reading this, I'd also be curious about just how much the Internet does know about you, especially if you've taken the full test. :) Of course, feel free to reveal as many or as few specific details as you want to — or even none at all.