Marko the Rat (marko_the_rat) wrote,
Marko the Rat

  • Mood:

Bears in Black

Even though I haven't been stingy with the local furry artists, I've been feeling like a parasite lately because I don't actually create anything. In an attempt to make a start at redressing that imbalance, below you will find an amusing little vignette outlining what happens if you don't do enough to promote Gmail (inspired by a conversation with overzen). Comments welcome.
Marko opens the door to two grizzly bears with short cropped dark brown fur, dressed all in black. They are both wearing mirror shades.

"Er, yes?" Marko asks uncertainly.

The front most bear checks his PDA: "Are you Mr Marko... T... Rat?"

"How may I help you?" the rat responds, even more uncertain of himself. Marko has learnt that it pays to be polite when dealing with alpha predators.

"We are from a... consortium," the bear responds, picking his words carefully, "representing the interests of Gmail. You have an account with Gmail, don't you?"

"I do," Marko affirms, doing his best to smile disarmingly. "There's nothing wrong, is there?" He tries hard not to show his fear, but the quaver in his voice and the quiver in his tail give him away.

"Oh, no, nothing at all," the bear in black assures him, his tone almost conversational, "it's just that we've noticed you haven't been giving away many Gmail invitations lately." The rat stands mute, knowing what's coming, so the bear presses his advantage: "You love Gmail, don't you? You want Gmail to grow and prosper?"

"Oh, I do," Marko affirms, nodding emphatically. "But well, I don't have many friends and..." he finishes weakly, looking up at them pleadingly.

The two bears stare down at him unsympathetically. "We understand," the leading bear says, in a tone completely devoid of understanding, "but Gmail needs more subscribers if it's to flourish in this competitive marketplace. We're here to help. If you just pass us your tail, we can give you an incentive to find more customers." He reaches out an oversized paw towards the quailing rat.

Marko clutches his tail protectively, backing away in fear. "No, please," he pleads, "not my tail."

"It's not a problem," he says, agreeably. "We could always just cancel your Gmail account."

The bears wait expectantly, giving the rat time to consider their offer. Marko timidly offers them his tail and closes his eyes.

Aww, poor ratty!

  • Goodbye LJ

    It has been pointed out to me that with LJ's new TOS I am technically in violation of 9.2.8 and arguably 9.2.7 as well. I don't think this…

  • Mardi Gras 2017 report

    I did it! Another year under my belt. After I got to Rattus's 10th anniversary in 2015, it's been one year at a time, but my boss pointed out…

  • Roophilia 2.0 update: red kangaroo lazing

    I've finally uploaded a new photo to Roophilia 2.0!

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded